How Will the Right-Wing Spin the Unemployment Rate Drop?

Good news for America ... the unemployment rate dropped from 8.1% to 7.8%. Still not where it needs to be, but an improvement.

Here are my predictions for how right-wingers in the media will attempt to spin the fact that the American economy has been recovering from the Bush disaster during Obama's presidency:

1) Obama secretly manipulated or falsified the unemployment rate to cover up his bad first debate performance. He's a completely incompetent president but somehow has the skill and power to fake the unemployment rate.

2) The "real" unemployment rate is 15%, not this "fake" 7.8% number that's been the standard measure for decades. Pay no attention to 7.8. It's really at least 15. Doom, despair, gloom, 15, 15, 15, damn it! Lather, rinse, repeat.

3) A Republican president would have magically had unemployment down to 0.0% because, you know, freedom and stuff.

4) The job creators are now hiring because they know that Romney will win the election in a landslide, thus returning America to the glory of a time that never really existed except inside right-wingers' minds.

5) The Republican-controlled House of Representatives and the Tea Party really caused the drop in unemployment, not that nasty Kenyan Socialist Muslim who used voter fraud to steal the last election.

6) George W. Bush brought down the unemployment rate, obviously, right after he killed Osama bin Laden with his bare hands.

7) Sean Hannity exclusive: "We've uncovered video of a young Barack Hussein Obama telling jokes while wearing a fake mustache and glasses. He claims he was just innocently imitating Groucho Marx, but how do we know it wasn't Karl Marx, thus proving that Obama has been a committed Communist for decades?"
 
8) All of the above.

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Update: I posted this piece as satire, but the line between satire and reality has been practically erased by today's right-wingers. Check out the conspiracy theorists' antics on just the first day of the unemployment rate news! Yikes!

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