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Restroom Ridiculousness
This column originally appeared in my hometown newspaper, the Daily Hampshire Gazette.
The restroom at my workplace is just twenty paces from my
office, a proximity that has saved my dignity countless times. I'm incapable of
the math that would reveal the hours I've spent in that room during the past
twenty-three years. Let's just say that I've done a lot of reading.
In all those years, I've never once questioned the gender
identity of the person in the next stall. That's none of my business as I go
about my own private business. So the recent spate of anti-LGBT "bathroom
bills" being pushed by Republican legislatures in various states makes me
cringe.
One book that I read at least parts of during my workplace
bathroom visits is Jenny Boylan's memoir, She's
Not There. The book originally caught my eye because of how much I had in
common with the author. We were both born in rural Pennsylvania and went on to
become writers and college professors in New England. I enjoy reading memoirs
that connect with my own experiences.
But Boylan's book also drew my attention because of a major
difference in our lives. She grew up with the constant knowledge that she was
actually a woman, rather than the man her body presented to the world. I've
always known that my body matched my identity, so I had to step far outside my
experience to relate to Boylan's life story.
Many other memoirs have taken me beyond my own limited life.
I've never been pregnant, but Elizabeth McCracken's An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination let me share the
heartbreak of her miscarriage. I didn't move from Iran to the United States as
a child in the 1970s, but Firoozeh Dumas's Funny
in Farsi showed me the humor and humanity of her life as the ultimate
outsider during turbulent times. I've never had a facial disfigurement, but
Lucy Grealy's Autobiography of a Face
let me see the world staring back at her. I'm not an autistic math genius, but
David Tammet's Born on a Blue Day
fascinated me with his perception of the world. I don't have Alzheimer's, but
Thomas DeBaggio's Losing My Mind
immersed me into the physical and mental disorientation that accompanied his
deterioration.
Reading about the lives of people different from ourselves
helps us develop empathy. No one would toss a book in the trash and claim that
that pregnancy is a myth, that Autism, Alzheimer's, or facial disfigurement
don't exist, that nobody's life is affected by his or her country of origin.
That would violate basic human empathy and common sense. Life is so much more
than what passes through our individual eyeballs into the blob of electrified
gelatin housed beneath our Red Sox caps.
Yet many people claim that identifying as one gender while
being born in the body of another is somehow imaginary. Doesn't that view show
a shocking lack of empathy and common sense as well? What is it about the
notion of being trans that inspires some Republicans to make laws
discriminating against where people use the bathroom, something that the vast
majority of Americans take for granted?
Another book I've read in my workplace restroom is Tarō Gomi's classic, Everyone
Poops. I enjoy sharing that one with students in my Children's Literature
classes to show that kid's books cover a wide range of human behaviors. The
lesson is that we all use the restroom even if it's a subject we don't dwell on
in polite society. So why do some conservatives want to regulate such a
universal and personal act based on discrimination against gender identity?
Republicans making these discriminatory laws claim they're
just trying to keep children safe in public restrooms. All of us empathize with
keeping children safe. But there's no evidence that trans people are a danger
to children or that sex offenders dress up as another gender to commit their
crimes in restrooms. Statistically, children are far more likely to be molested
by a close male family member or a trusted authority figure than by a trans
person. A prime example is Dennis Hastert, the former Republican Speaker of the
House, recently sentenced to jail time for being a serial child molester while
he was a high school teacher and coach decades ago. That criminal certainly
didn't wear a dress.
What about empathy for the actual threats that trans people
face in public restrooms? Studies show that roughly two-thirds of trans people
have been harassed over restroom use. This isn't an abstract political issue.
Real human beings are being threatened. My friend Linda takes precautions every
time her trans wife Grace uses a public restroom. "I want people to have
empathy for my beautiful wife," Linda said. "Barring empathy, I want
her to be left alone. She's not hurting anyone--she's just being who she
is."
Linda continued, "I want the law to protect my wife,
not put her at risk. That's why we have laws, isn't it?" Yes it is. We all
just want to feel safe while using the restroom that best fits who we are. Is
it really so difficult to accept that our fellow human beings all just want
empathy, safety, and a sense of belonging?
John Sheirer is
a writer and teacher who lives in Florence. His new book, Make Common Sense Common Again, is now available. For details,
visit JohnSheirer.com.
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Sunday, May 8, 2016
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